It's my 23rd birthday, and for the first time in such a long time, I feel good. I feel comfortable in my own skin, I feel happy. I feel like everything in my life's finally falling into place, but most importantly, I feel like me again.
If you asked me about a year ago or maybe 5 years ago if I'd ever consider wearing this outfit, the answer would've been "absolutely not". I would've looked at you like you were crazy, and probably even laughed. But that was because I would've been hiding my insecurities, and using disinterest as a way to cover up how much I yearned to feel "normal" and comfortable in my own skin.
I spent a lot of time in my life listening to the noise in the background. I believed people when they told me that I needed to diet because I was fat; that I needed to stay away from the sun because I was so "dark", and that I needed to do all kinds of regimes because I had so much freckles, cellulite and acne that it was making me "ugly".
And for the last 6 years of my life, I struggled a lot to love myself. In those 6 years, I became a domestic violence survivor, a single mom, a college student, and a full-time 9-5 employee all while dealing with anxiety & anxiety/panic attacks on my own.
I know some of you are probably thinking, "but you chose that life;you chose to go down that path". And you're right, I did.
I chose to be a young mom, knowing I had to give up going to out of state colleges & having a "normal" life. I chose to take several pauses in my college education, because I needed to breath. I chose to have a second child, despite knowing that the first time I gave birth, I had some difficulties. I chose self-employment, over a 9-5 job that could've provided better financial security and employment benefits, because I wanted to be there for my kids.
But you know what? I would make every single choice again, because I knew when I was making those choices, the only person I really had to justify them to was myself.
I'm a single mom of two special needs kids, and very little to no social life. I'm self-employed, running my own business, and working at my own time and pace. I'm the mom that likes to drop F-bombs a lot, and I'm okay with that. I'm a young, plus size woman learning to love herself, accept herself and stand up for herself in a world filled with misogynists, racists, body-shamers and just plain judgmental f*cking people.
And here I am, at 23 — happy, content and finally a step closer to the life that I want to live.